Nothin's quite what it seems in the city of dreams,
It’s strange, moving on. It’s something we all must do in order to continue to thrive both mentally and even physically.
Problem is, moving on isn’t easy to do.
It’s damned hard, and most (all) people fear change, especially when the change is an abrupt one or drastic one.
But change, whether it comes by our own initiative or by instances beyond our control, is a fact of life.
Don’t make it easier.
It’s time for change. It’s time to move on.
For me, in many ways, it’s time to move on.
I’m moving this summer.
It’s an open secret. Some people know about this, others, this might be your first time reading about it. Still others... well you’re not reading, but I’ll tell you soon.
It’s time for me to leave Logan. I’m leaving with out a degree, the original goal of me coming here. I’m also not leaving feeling like a failure, which is maybe why I waited.
I’m leaving because, sadly, Logan is suffocating me. I can’t grow here any more. All I can do is wallow in what has become self propagating misery.
That’s not healthy for any one.
I’m not leaving Logan forever. Though if I do return to live (not visit, which I plan to do frequently) it will be for the intended goal of finishing (or getting) a degree nothing else.
But staying here is no longer beneficial for me. I’ve no family here. Though I’ve many good friends here many are moving on. And though I’m actively involved in theatre here, I can only grow more in that aspect by actually taking classes, which I can’t afford to do at this time.
I’m also leaving because, quite honestly, it’s time to close a chapter on my life. I’m a much different person now than I was when I first came up here. I’m a much different person than one I started doing theatre. It’s time to go into the big wide open and see what kind of person I am.
Sometimes in order move forward, you have to take a step back.
I’m moving to Roosevelt Utah. Small town, 3000 people, next largest city has only about 10,000 and is 30 minutes away. In many ways I’m looking forward to it. I understand the mentality out there. I grew up there, so it’s no surprise. The arts are flourishing out there, but I can create there, if left to my own devices.
Will I be happy there? For a time, probably, but the point is to discover where to go next.
If I was still dating the wonderful girl I was dating three months ago, that would be a no brainer, but we parted ways, and I’m taking it one step at a time now.
The first step is moving. Which I'll be doing in July, the 19th or the 20th. That'll be my last weekend as a resident of Logan.
The next step is earning money: job, and another idea I’ll save for later, that I’m rather excited for. I’m leaving friends here. That hurts. I’m leaving a lot of good memories. That hurts too. I tend to hang on to things, to people. So this isn’t an easy thing for me.
But I’m looking forward to it overall.
From there... who knows? The point is, it’ll be an adventure.
Sometimes that’s all that matters.
So I'll tell you all the story
It's odd.
I feel pretty good. I mean. I've been in a good mood the last few days.
It's nice.
Not to say that I didn't want to be some where other than work today.
But that's a given.
I've started writing again. (I think I mentioned that.)
I've even started painting again.
Three weeks ago I barely wanted to leave the house.
Things are starting to come around.
It's good.
You know what else is good?
Ice cream.
The Devil walks at Midnight
So I have this bitchin' devils mask. Had it for years.
Now, it's been in my van for while, but I've brought it inside, as I'm cleaning the van out so it can be hauled off in the next week.
Just picking the mask up, I had the urge to go put it on and go run around town.
Nothing to crazy. No lurking in yards, or anything.
Just walking around Logan Utah with a devils mask on.
Now I think that walking around Logan with a devil's mask on would be bitchin' (just like the mask is).
But... I'm fairly sure doing so would get me arrested.
Oh well.
Fun thought.. too bad i can't do without getting harrassed by the man...
As long as someone else is pulling my strings
*sqeak, squeak, squeak*
You'd think how enthusiastic the upstairs neighbors were with the motion of their fucking, they'd be a bit more vocal.
Strange I suppose. I guess it's good somebody's getting some. Lord knows I'm not.
I'm in a good mood today. Or at least better than I was yesterday.
I think (I hope) things are coming around again for me.
I resurrected an old play last night and worked on it for a while.
I'd shelved it because I didn't think it'd work. I'd actually started re-writing it a few times. But last night I pulled it up and started reading it, and then re-writing it.
It's pretty damned funny.
Dark as sin. But then, I wrote it. There's blood in it.
I like blood on stage. It's not practical. Gives the techies a lot of work. Some actors are squeamish about it. But if a person is shot in the back of the head (twice as they say in the script several times) with a small caliber pistol the blood doesn't spray, it pours. It's like pouring out a cup of water. I know this from some regrettable footage I saw on the internet several years ago. I'm not sure how we'd emulate that on stage with a corpse. Particularly a corpse that gets up and interacts with her murderer. Especially in a one act where clean up would be essential. But I'd sure like to try.
I'm going to pull it up again here in a bit, and do some more tweaking. A bit of editing and turn it into a pdf file and shoot it out to a few folks.
See what they think.
Sing if your proud to be plastic now....
It's been a long winter.
It feels like it's been a long winter. It snows still. Occasionally.
If that ain't a pisser I dunno what is. It snowed sunday in fact.
*sigh*
It's gonna be over soon though.
Just a matter of time.
This winter sucked. I'll make no bones about it. It had it's ups... I won't lie. It was nice to have somebody interested in me again. For as long as that lasted.
Course they moved on, They always do.
I'm not bitter...
no wait, I am bitter. I was bitter before, so it makes no difference.
I can see a wave of change coming.
I can see something out there on the horizon. Wish I knew what it was. Fraid it might be something worse than where I'm at now.
But only time will tell.
If anybody can tell me where the lyric I used for my title came from... I'll give you a treat.
I know of course... but do you?
