Snippitts of Illusions

in the shadow of death.

This one hurts.

I've lost a lot of folks over the years. Lisle and Brian were painful. I still feel the sting of my mothers loss each and every day, like a fresh cut on the skin. But Jason Sims? Feels like a stab to the gut.
I'm not sure why.
Jason was somebody born with the hand of Death on his shoulder from day one. His heart, and his lung were precipitously weak, and everyone who knew him well knew that one day the health problems he was born with would eventually kill him.
One day it did.
It doesn't make it hurt any less.

Jason was one of the most amicable people I've ever known. He almost never seemed perturbed by things. He was never quick to ridicule or insult, but when asked his thoughts about something he was willing and able to offer them, so you knew exactly what he thought. He was almost always cheerful, and easy going, and that served him well as he floated from one social group to another effortlessly. When he was with me, he was an unabashed geek. Dice box in hand. Folders with D and D characters carefully placed. He loved playing Dungeons and Dragons, and there was no embarrassment for him. He understood that other folks he spent time with wouldn't get it, but he also knew that those of us he gamed with were not interested in his other pursuits. He loved the rodeo. And he had friends whos interest never overlapped his geekiness, that loved that too. They, like us, took him as he was because he, unlike so many of us, never passed judgement on a person for what they liked. Or if he did, he kept it to himself, which makes him a better person than I ever will be. Jason wasn't perfect though. He was, at times, lacking self awareness of his actions. This was, like all everything about him, without malice, but it did occur.

Jason was one other thing aside from a geek, a sports fan, a rodeo spectator: he was a grandpa. When Jason and Melinda married, nearly 7 years ago most people had their doubts. A lot of people, myself included (to my shame), didn't think seriously of it. I don't know what trials their marriage went through he never spoke about any incident in anger or jest, but I do know that it lasted those 7 years. I also know that Jason took very seriously the family that married into. All of Melinda's children were grown, and a few had children of their own when they were married (they all do now). Jason loved those kids. He made time for them. The grandkids were very important to him, I saw it time and time again. He'd laughingly tell me stories of something that they did or said, he'd rearrange plans so he could make it to birthdays, or little programs they were involved in.

Jason wasn't perfect. No one is. But I know that he was a better friend to me than I ever was to him. I know that he'd text me occasionally, out of the blue if we hadn't seen each other for a while to see what I was up to, and how I was doing. I know he always seemed to enjoy spending time in my company, and was typically eager to come hang out, whether for gaming or just in general as long as he had no other plans. I know he wasn't perfect, but I also know that he never expected anybody else to be perfect either, just to accept him as he was. And he'd do likewise. I know that I'm going to miss him. I'm going to miss seeing him at work when he's came in to grab some groceries, or prescriptions. I know that I'm going to miss him at my game table. I'm know that I'm going to miss that exuberant giggle when he finds something funny. And his explanation to new people when they asked why he was blue.

I knew Jason Sims would eventually be taken from us because of his health issues. But it never seemed liked it was ever going to be anytime soon. I'm glad I knew him. I'm glad I knew him as long as I did. I'm sad I didn't know him better, because I feel like he knew me.

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posted by F.G. Shaw @ 10:14 PM