too little sleep, two days in a row.
it's stubbornness mostly.
and bad food.
i've not been eating as well as i might.
or should.
but that's not untypical, i like the self abuse of unhealthy living.
i must, or else i wouldn't keep doing it.
i'm too complacent.
i'm too comfortable in my own skin, and the bitterness for humanity and who i am is not bitter enough to promote change.
so i go through cycles of eating reasonably well and getting plenty of sleep, then flopping back to the old habits of only getting between 3 and 5 hours a sleep a night and eating at the ass end of the fast food chain that america seem so in love with.
exercise is always lacking.
i could give excuses, but lets face it, it's my fault, and i'm lazy.
yep, i'm a lazy slob.
the one "sport" i really and actually enjoyed, i have neither the time nor the money for.
i suppose if i really enjoyed it as much as i remember i would make the time and save the money for it.
it's not too late, perhaps i will.
i sit here and think, well i'm a fat slob, but i'm only 28, not even thirty yet... there's still time.
time for what?
that's the million dollar question.
time for what?
i dunno, to live life.
sure my life isn't exciting, but there are people i enjoying hanging out with, there are things that i do that gives me pleasure, i have.... artistic fullfillment to some certain degree.
sitting on the bench waiting to be played.
that's what i'm doing, that's what most people are doing.
too bad we haven't yet figured out that we're the coach.
the only way we're going to get played is if we put ourselves into the game.
for those who realize it... perhaps that game is too frightening, too rough, to intense.
i don't know.
as time passes, the game plays on.
and we benchwarmers seem gruntled enough to let it.
posted by F.G. Shaw @ 11:34 AM
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