Snippitts of Illusions

Come on get down with the fatness.

Ahhh... the fatness.

I'm overweight. And by that I mean I'm fat. Now don't comment to say that I'm being hard on myself. I don't need a pep talk, I'm not depressed. I'm actually in a pretty good mood. I'm stating a fact. Perhaps a more PC term is obese, but that sounds vulgar to me. I'd be lying if I said I struggled with my weight. Oh, I do occasionally get on a health kick and try to "straighten up" and "eat right" and it lasts anywhere from a month to three, but I decide I want a kitkat and before you know it I've ate three. I know that dieting doesn't work, so I'm not wasting my time with it.

No dieting doesn't work. You have to change. You have to change your outlook. I have a coworker who, like me, is a pretty big guy. Real nice guy. Sweet and likable, bit awkward. He's been looking at different diets. He's -not desperate- perhaps anxious to lose weight. He's in his early 20's and is considerably larger than I was at that same age. I hope he's successful but without a completely different outlook he's doomed. He does have a cousin who's pushing him. She's making him walk for two mile each day and encouraging him to keep at it. His attitude about it so far is very positive, but he's still looking for the diet aid or fix to help him out.

I suppose I had my bout with that too. They weren't successful, I become realistic about that path several years ago and have just resigned myself to being me. But my outlook is changing. I work early in the mornings about half the time, as I mentioned, I fell back into drinking energy drinks. After six months it occurred to me that the things were making me feel funny. They didn't really help me stay awake and they were only contributing to me feeling stoned at work. I gave them up. I gave up soda as well. Ok, to a point. I have no problem drinking soda now and then, but for the most part it's gone. I haven't had one 2 weeks. Before that it was another 2 weeks. I've begun to pay attention to my portions and actually stop eating when I feel full. As for sugar, well candy doesn't hold the same appeal. Whenever I have it, I regret it and if I'm going to indulge I'd rather have cake, pie or pudding (PUDDING!) over simple candy or chocolate. That being said I do feel better, and that's the important thing.

It's a slow process. One has to change their entire perspective in order to lose weight. Which is something skinny fuckers have no understanding of. Yeah, I'm lazy I freely admit, but don't for a minute think that it's simply sheer laziness that has made me fat. My entire outlook on life is twisted, as well as my appetites, and anybody who's overweight can relate to this. You feel defeated before you even begin.

Babysteps.

If you can do one thing each week to make yourself a healthier person then you should do it. If it takes two or three weeks to implement that one thing? That's fine too. You can't let yourself become defeated. If you have to take small steps, that's what you do. Maybe it's giving up soda at first. Then walking. Then giving up sugar and subbing fruit...WHOA! Hold on. Babysteps. Let's start by introducing fruit in lieu of some of the sugar, and go from there. That's what I'm doing. That's my goal. My goal isn't to lose 100 lbs by this time next year. My goal is to start walking a mile each day. My goal isn't to eat only healthy food. My goal is to eat more fruits and vegetables than I do junk food on a daily basis. My goal isn't to diet. My goal is to change my outlook so that my natural inclination is to make the right choices.

The reality show The Biggest Loser is notable in that it helps people make these kind of changes. Very rapidly. Kudos for that show for making such an impact on the culture and bringing the obesity epidemic to the forefront of the American conscious. I fucking hate it. I don't hate it despite the fact they help people. The trainers are very sincere, 99% of the people on the show are sincere in their desire to change. I hate it because it turns it into a competition. Maybe that's the only real way to get so many diverse individuals to make the changes they need to make in that short of time. I find it as capitalizing on those individuals suffering, and when confronted by said suffering it is a painful reminder of what we personally have as weaknesses. In other words, it's for ratings. People love to see other people have emotional breakdowns.
What you skinny fuckers need to understand, and what you can see in The Biggest Loser, is that for we the obese to make such drastic changes requires an enormous change in not only perspective about who we are as individuals, but how we physically exist as humans. Our bodies have become accustomed to certain things, more calories than we need, relative immobility, and to change that makes them scream out as if somebody were to take your skin off starting at your face. It's not easy, and despite my loathing of the show it does do some good. If only for the few months it's on it helps to inspire some people.

As to my co-worker. I hope he succeeds. He's heavier than I was at his age and it scares me to think of where he'll be at in 10 years when he's the age I currently am. We both work a very seditary job and it's easy lose oneself in the cycle of unhealthy snacks while at work and relative laziness outside of work. To be honest, most of us at work are overweight, and my co-worker isn't the only one whose desperate to lose weight. But for me. There's no desperation. I'm not going to discuss it with anybody but the ethernets for now. No there's no desperation. Just babysteps.

Labels: Personal

posted by F.G. Shaw @ 10:44 PM