Snippitts of Illusions

A young man I worked with killed himself yesterday morning (the 22nd of May). Why? I can't really say. There were many issues he had been trying to work through, but the lynch-pin that was pulled, the catalyst for his final action, I'm not sure. We can speculate why: his ex-girl friend, stress about school, stress about his religion, or home life. Everything coupled together. Ultimately we can't know the final thoughts that passed before he ended himself. A dark place that has to be for such drastic actions to be taken.

I've been there. That black place. And while I ultimately didn't take the drastic action this young man did, I can almost understand the darkness that is so overwhelming the only way out seems to be death. My thoughts, years ago, led me to seek out help from a close friend and some counseling. Ultimately I discovered solace in theater and strangely enough an agnostic sort of Buddhism that is hard to explain, but those two things have kept me on the level since then. I'm a much different person, in many ways, then I was then.

As for the young man who ended it. I grieve for him in my own way. I wish somebody could have shown him that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, if perhaps he'd turn the other way maybe. The important thing is, not to blame ourselves. The parents, the ex-girl friend, the best friends, the siblings and the co-workers are not to blame. The person wielding the decision for ending it, ultimately wields the decision to end it. Once convinced, once the course of action is decided upon, only they can derail their plans or continue on with them.

Does that mean there isn't something we could have done? Honestly yes: We could have done many things in hindsight, but at the time those actions were not apparent. There were no options that seem obvious, because we did not know fully the details of what he was planning.

It's tragic. Such loss. Especially one so young and at one time, enthusiastic about life and his future.

posted by F.G. Shaw @ 4:11 AM